el Camino a Perú: For Peyton

Family & friends, I couldn't find the focus nor the strength today to write about what I did the past week because I have someone on my mind. I apologize in advance for a sad blog, but life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, and my day was certainly anything but that. These days, I've been consumed in my studies, with homework, evaluations, papers, and final exams piling up on my plate. And I've had to put all of that aside for a moment. Today was the absolute worst day I have had in Peru by far and one of the worst days of my existence, as well. I'm devastated; typing through tears and shaking hands, but I feel in my heart that I have to write about her. This afternoon I was told that my best friend, Peyton Rasmussen, died in a helicopter crash, alongside her mother, brother, and boyfriend while sightseeing the Great Smoky Mountains National Park of Tennessee yesterday afternoon. The news hit me like a freight train; the story was far too unreal to me and I didn't want to believe it. Frankly, I still don't want to believe it. I even tried to call her, twice. I would do anything to hear her voice and share her infectious laugh (she was so funny) and see her smile again. To feel the way that I do and to be an entire continent away is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. More than anything, I just want to go home. I've lost a lot of amazing people in my life, but I had yet to lose a best friend. This one's for you, Pey. A personal tribute to all things Pey.

Peyton was my best friend for over four years. I could share a thousand memories with you, but my favorite times were always when it was just me and Pey - & I will always cherish those moments the most. The hours upon hours that we sat together talking about the world and life as we knew it are hours that I would never take back. When she left Nebraska for Florida, and later to North Carolina, we were treasured pen pals that sent letters and 4x6 photographs to each other several times a month. An entire section of my picture box is dedicated to the notes and photographs that Peyton sent me. I have an unopened letter from her waiting for me at home, and there's a letter in route to North Carolina that she will never get to read... I'm having a really hard time processing that. I received two letters from her in my stay in Peru and her cards and hand-written notes of encouragement and love are pasted all over the walls in my room. I can barely get through my door today without a tear, but I know that these daily reminders will help me to cope and recover.

Despite the many miles between us, Pey and I kept up with each other through our letters, texts, phone calls, Skype calls, and Facetime for hours on end. We sent pictures to each other almost every day through various apps, and never in my life had I met someone who loved to take pictures of the outdoors as much as I do. Pey loved to go outside and explore with me. She loved plants and animals as much, too. Pey had just upgraded her camera this past year and her photographs were amazing, as well as her talent for editing them. Peyton had a love for the world and life and an even bigger appreciation for all things in it. We shared a lot of the same interests and loves, including our love to learn. This semester, Peyton started college classes again. She was going to be a med tech when she graduated. She was enjoying it and she was really proud of herself; I was, too.

Peyton was my first friend that cared about me as much as I cared about her, if not more. Pey was like a sister to me; we rarely fought, and we made up fast. Peyton was a REAL friend from the moment she came into my life. Pey had asked me to be her maid of honor and the godmother to her kids when those days came. We had made plans to see each other once I returned from Peru. And, now, there's no more letters, no more texts or calls, no more pictures, no visits, and no life events with Peyton in my future. I can't help but feel a little lost, but I know that she is with me still on my journey. I wish that I could thank her for being on my journey and touching my soul. If I would have had the chance to talk to her yesterday morning, this is what I would have said...

Pey, you have the largest, most gentle heart on this planet! Thank you for loving me even on my ugliest days. You are a light in my life, because you are the happiest person in my life! You have always managed to help me find my happy whenever I was struggling to grasp it. You keep me positive. You remind me to live my life with a heart full of love. Thank you for holding my hand and keeping me out of the dark. Thank you for filling my heart with positive light and love. Your words keep me moving forward, Pey! They are all over my walls and in my books. You've always helped me to see things from another perspective. I love the way that you can see the good in everyone and how you fail to judge others. I love the way that you look at nature and all life in general. I love your laugh and your sense of humor! I love you for so many reasons, for much more than what I have said. You are a beautiful being, inside and out. You are loved and cherished by so many hearts, including mine. Thank you for crossing my path, touching my heart, and changing my life in the process! You're my best friend and my family.

No one could replace my Pey Pey. Forever & always; I love you girlfriend!

I'm happy to say that I had already said 90% of that to her, just not yesterday. I really have gained a most beautiful angel today. I can only hope that her light and energy find me again, continuing to guide me on my path. For now, all that I know is that I am going to live with the love of Peyton in my heart. I want to stay positive and loving as a tribute to my best friend. Peyton was such a bright soul. My thoughts tonight are especially with her father, Scott, and the rest of her family and close friends. Please, hug your loved ones and friends a little tighter for me tonight. I can't say thanks enough to the lovely Nebraska ladies that are in Peru with me right now that squeezed me, sat with me, ate ice cream with me, and made me smile when that was the last thing that I wanted to do today. Thanks for your support, friends and family. Of all of the things that I thought I would experience while in Peru, losing my best friend never made the list. Life is so fragile. You never know when you are going to lose someone.